Sun Is Shining

Finally the weather is more cheerful and people are walking with a spring in their step. Funny how the weather has an effect on your mood. My family has had a hard couple of months but hopefully things are starting to settle down. Things are still emotionally difficult and draining but am hoping some sunny days will releive some of this stress. I posted in February that my Nan was seriously ill in hospital after falling and laying on the floor for we think three days now. The doctors gave us a long list of scary problems they thought she had but in the end it was just Kidney failure and septicemia. No stroke or internal bleeding. She spent three weeks in hospital.Hating every minute of it and getting more depressed.We tryed to arrange it so someone visited her every day. Finally she was allowed home with carers coming in twice a day to empty her toilet commode. We are only a small family and because of my Mum having depression, one  brother in RAF in Afghanistan and my other brother working long hours and having a pregnant wife, i was put in charge of dealing with my Nans social worker, carers, Doctor, nurse, shopping and clothes washing needs.The first night my Nan was home i got a phone call from Nurse saying my Nan was too unsteady and saying strange things. Doctor had to come out on an emergency call and turned out she had a UTI (Urinary tract infection) and should not have been allowed out of hospital.She was put on antibiotics and her Carers visits were upped so they came and helped her wash dress, toilet and prepare food.She was home nearly two weeks but it was not working.She has given up. Refused to eat and would only move from chair with help of carers. I was trying my best to get to her house often but i live nearly an hour away and have a 2yr and 4yr old. I was so busy running around for my Nan that i could not keep up with things at home.Kids were running out of clean clothes and pets were sitting in dirty hutches. Phone was ringing all day from Doctor and Social Worker needing me to do things. Felt under a lot of pressure.
When my nan slid from her chair on to the floor i was advised by all involved that my Nan was not safe alone. Her weight had dropped to six stone and was to weak to sit up straight or try to walk a few steps. I was advised that i needed to have her in a care home for a few weeks for respite. She has now been in a home ten minutes from me for nearly two weeks now. Still do not want to eat and is now in a wheel chair. Every time i see her she says she just wants to go home. The other day she upset me by saying that i could go to her house every day to look after her! What about my children? The manager of the care home is lovely and doing a lot to help her.I can`t see my Nan ever being well enough to go home and the manager agrees with me. My Nan has just given up. She is 86yrs old. The care home is really nice and everyone friendly but its natural to miss your own house.But i feel evil because i want my nan to stay where she is because she is near enough that i can visit her regularly. But also because i can`t go back to the stress of the phone ringing all day and having to run around doing things for her while i neglect my family. I feel selfish but i could not do it anymore.My Mum and brothers just left everything to me thinking i could do it all. The care home manager says to give my Nan time to settle in then a few months down the line to think about selling her house. I need some positive news for once. My Grandad from my fathers side has now been in hospital for three weeks with suspected dementia. But its a kind of happy dementia if anyone with experience of that illness know what i mean. He is happy in his own little world. He will soon be placed in a care home too.On a personal level i am very frustrated because my writing has gone out the window. Every time i have tryed to write i have felt too stressed. But am angry with myself for not keeping at it. I feel i need something just for myself. Now my Nan is in a safe place with other people dealing with her needs i am finally going to be able to write every day. To finally get some balance in my life. Well, today the weather man says it is going to be a super sunny day. I am off to the zoo with my children. I will do my best to update on here often. Speak to you soon