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Thursday, 10 February 2011

Scene from AWAKEN .Takes place on London underground

 (please excuse any mistakes as it is just a rough work in progress)

City workers huddled head down in their scarf's, briefcase in hand, minds already on the day ahead as they strode briskly on towards the nearest tube station.

Stepping down into the mouth of the underground tube station Amelie was swept along in the racing tide of workers. Along a landon and then deeper, deeper into the commuter bowels of the earth.
Feeling the strong pull of eyes studying her she looks around her at the crushed sardines of commuters lined up waiting for their can to arrive. No one person made eye contact. Eyes down cast or in financial newspapers. Young hot shots tapping toes to the tune playing loudly in their ears. Everyone feared everyone in this day and age of gangs and terrorism. No good morning or friendly banter. Fear of offending another living person caused neighbour not to want to know neighbour . All stood like autistic beings unwilling to reach out.
The underground sardine can arrives with a rumble and warm wind . All push on through the narrow gap in a  cluster.

Managing to find a seat Amelie sits down on the cool plastic mould on the underground train as it shakes and rattles away from the station. Neon lights flash and flicker as the London commuter train rumbles along.
The warm breeze rushing through the crowded carriage rustles her hair. As she begins to relax back into the too hard orange seat the brushing breeze seems to cool and cool the temperature dropping rapidly. Ice fingers seem to glide down her pale cheek. The rattling and rolling noise of the rushing carriage seems to dim to a muffled hum and buzz. Amelie looks about her apprehensively breath caught in her too tight chest. Sitting taller in her cold seat she holds herself stiffly . All the heads of her fellow commuters are turned away from her , facing the reflective mirror like glass of the thick rectangle windows. Lights continue to flash and flicker flicker as the train gains speed in the midnight black tunnels. Flash, flash....every new flash of light illuminates the fellow commuters faces in the glass. Flash, flash, faster, faster... but with every flash it is not the distracted faces of living souls that can be seen in the smudged window panes but the fleshless faces of deceased beings . Fleshless skulls with bottomless deathly black pools in the sockets where eyes should have been. Hard jaws agape with jagged stained teeth. The decayed jaws of the crowd swing open and close as one like a fish staring blankly.

“Amelie , Amelie” they seem to whisper chillingly as one.

“Its coming Amelie, its coming” they gargle.

She tries to stand but feels frozen in place. A scream is scratching at her throat fighting desperately to get out . Her violently shaking hand grabs the cold steel pole to her left but slips off the wet, slick metal. Her trembling white hand comes away coated with still warm, freshly spilled scarlet blood. Trying desperately to make her shaking petite body stand her blue trainer encased feet slip on the slick wet blood soaked floor.
Finally springing to her feet like a bullet shot from a gun she stumbles into the coated body of the dark haired man standing in front on her causing him to stumble into the bodies squashed in front of him like a row of knocked dominoes.

“Hey” he proclaims angrily turning to face the source of his dismay. Lights suddenly brightened and muted sounds rose in level like a volume button turned up to level. Amelie stared back into the brown eyes of the plump man staring back at her . Looking around the carriage various living faces stared back at her with suspicious eyes.

The stopped carriages doors open with a slow whoosh as the people continue to stare.

“I am sorry” Amelie mumbles as she rushes for the door, head down. The doors slide shut in front on her with a bang. Forcing trembling fingers in the crack Amelie desperately tried to prise the doors open , breaking finger nails in the process. Final the doors slid open. Amelie dove into the waiting masses pushing insistently through.

Finally reaching the fresh air of the above street level she desperately gasped for breath as if drowning . Looking about her the world seemed to tilt and spin as the panic attack took hold robbing her of her senses.


  1. Looking good chicky! ^-^ I really loved the attention to detail. Made the place come alive. I have never been to London, much less England, so it really helped me understand where the character was at from the word choices. =]

  2. Got the idea from when i went on the london underground a couple of weeks after the bombings. Everyone was quiet and would not look each other in the eye. You found yourself studying what people were carrying.Never stand next to someone carrying a backpack!

  3. That is kind of cool. I know that was scary, but I find it fascinating because I have never been out of the U.S. So, to hear someone recount such an event is... awesome. Like hearing your grandfather or even your father tell stories about wars. Horrific things go on, but you are mesmerized all the same.

    As far as celebrating... might not doe that until I know it is accepted. I also couldn't sleep. ^^; I honestly tried and ended up catching about a 4 hour nap. I guess first time writer jitters. Knowing you finished something good and hope it is good enough to be published.

    However, I always expect rejection! That way, if I am rejected, it won't hurt as bad. It would just mean the story wasn't right for them. I am seriously debating whether or not to publish via GoodReads and/or SmashWords (online publishing sites). Some others get famous that way and publishing companies come looking for them instead. I just don't know if my story is worthy. ;_; *sighs*

    Hey! If you would like to read it I got it posted up for a free read. At least until it is polished enough for me to think about submitting. If you want to read it, let me know!

    <3 Rain

  4. I would love to read it please! Where do i have to go?


    Let me know if you can't see the story or the site won't load. =]

  6. I agree - great attention to detail. I.m a Brit though, so It resonates with me on a personal level. Loved the theatre so was there a lot. Also lived in London for a year years ago and was there at he time of the bombings on a visit!
    I have recommend you to receive the Sweetest Blog Award. Come and collect it at my blog:
    Congratulations -
    Shah. X

  7. An award!!!!!Oh thank you!! Will have to start writing my acceptance speech.Good excuse for a bottle of wine.I also love the theatre.I went to see Hairspray last night.Brilliant!